By Kim O’Hara
I spoke with a leading business coach for working moms who guides her clients take the strength out of stories like “I should be farther along in my career” when comparing to other women, or “I am ruining my kids” when you pick up your child at 3:30 PM at the day care instead of 3 PM. She admitted most of her clients forgot what it takes to make them happy. It often becomes a glass of wine after the kids are in bed and Netflix.
Our personal happiness and self-kindness are a choice. A daily choice, and sometimes an hourly one. Women, especially in the “sandwich generation” are exhausted and have lost their way to finding small moments of joy amid all they are doing for everyone all the time. A thought: “I am not doing enough” can become a self-deprecating mantra to the point where it feels real. We are then in a self-fulfilling prophecy that we should, as women, should be able to fix all the wrongs that happen to the people we love in the world. When in fact, we are just human beings who need time for joy too.
I am not suggesting we play the victim. That does not serve us as moms. A simple solution exists. It just takes some practice. We get happier by doing small, random juicy fun things. When we focus on the joy in our lives, and less overthinking and obsessing about what’s not working, what we focus on grows. Our scale for perfection is already so high, we could definitely use to give ourselves more of a break. Stress is having its effect on the “sandwich generation”, which is 22 million U.S. women between the ages of 30-60. Increase in cardiovascular disease is one issue, never mind being exhausted.
Our happiness is a decision we can make without radical action. You can live a delicious life without taking off to a two-week adult-only surf camp. It can happen in ten minutes of a walk on a beach, or a bike ride. Listen to your favorite jazz tune with your feet up on the dash, and the breeze blowing on your face. We may be moms, and have vocations, and spouses, and families that depend on us, but without our own happiness, we are nothing.
Try these simple steps to elevate your mood:
- Set aside ten minutes a day for open space for just you. Don’t worry if you don’t know what to do for yourself yet.
- Just breathe. You don’t have to even be a meditator. Simply be in the breath and allow your thoughts to take you to the answer to this question, What would I do if I had a little free time? Be surprised by the answer.
- The next day, get in inquiry again and see if you can take action.
These are cumulative steps. Once we take ownership of our right to have moments of random self-kindness for ourselves, we apply this to the demands of our lives. We see where we are imbalanced and need more balance. Our self-love goes through the roof, and we are more vigilant in protecting our personal space.
Will change happen overnight? I wish! But from where you start, there it will grow. So how about tomorrow making ten minutes for yourself to ask, how happy am I?
Kim O’Hara is a Book Vision Strategist, Author, Podcaster of This Delicious Life and a mother to two. You can find her at kimohara.com.