By Ruth Molinari
Why? I don’t know. The only way I’ll ever know is when I see him again… and I will!!
Emilio’s death shocked our communities to the core. A perfectly healthy boy dying in a flash scared the shit out of everybody and tested our faiths. We are good people… we’ve always done right in our lives… we’ve always prayed to God as a family and believed in spiritual law and karma. Nothing made sense as to why?
I don’t think God hates me. I don’t think God has forgotten about me or that I’m being punished. I don’t think God loves me less because another human being might be saved. I have always felt, and feel, that there is something beyond us all that is happening. Something higher, something greater.
What I do believe is that children choose their parents before they enter this world, so I will not view myself as a victim. Instead, I will consider myself as chosen. I was chosen to be his Mother for those three beautiful years.
My husband and I have always shared a vision of a happy family, growing old together and creating happy memories for a lifetime. The more I thought about it, I declared that I was not going to let this be the end of us. We are going to be ok…we have to move on and move forward….we get to be happy. This is not going to be the end of me!
So many things go through your mind. It’s not just a loss of a child, it’s the loss of an era. There are so many questions… Are we going to stay in the house? Will we be able to swim in our pool again? Are we going to stay together? Is my partner gonna leave me for someone happier and more joyful without a scarred heart? Are my children going to fall apart? Are we going to make it as a family? I can understand the 80% plus divorce rate after a loss of a child.
I’m just so grateful that my husband and I never lost sight of our vision or our love for each other. It was actually unconditional during a time when there could’ve been a lot of blame. In fact, the grace I witnessed from him made me fall in love with him all over again. When I heard him tell me “I love you, we’re going to be OK, I got you”, I believed him and I really knew we were going to be OK.