By Shirin Yadegar
Halloween should be one of the easiest nights of childhood to love. You dress up, spend time with friends, knock on a few doors, and come home thrilled about a bag of candy. Somewhere along the way, we have added a lot of expectations to that simple formula.
There are coordinated family photo shoots, elaborate decorations, expensive costumes, and the pressure to make this year bigger than last year. For tweens, even choosing a costume can become a social obstacle course: Who is included in the group? Who gets to be which character? What happens when everyone changes their minds after one parent has already bought the outfit?
As parents, we have the power to turn down that pressure. It starts with remembering what we want our children to experience: creativity, connection, and fun.
Before opening a shopping app, open a conversation. Ask your child, “If you could turn yourself into anything, what would it be?” Give them room to answer without immediately suggesting something cuter, trendier, or easier to photograph. Their idea might be strange. It might require an explanation. That is part of the fun.
Then go looking for possibilities together. An oversized shirt, an old hat, a cardboard box, and some paint can become the beginning of almost anything. A delivery box can turn into a robot. Clothes from the back of the closet can become a detective’s disguise. A cape does not have to arrive in branded packaging to give a child superpowers.
Set a reasonable budget before you begin, and let your child help decide how to use it. Perhaps you buy one accessory and make the rest. Perhaps friends swap costumes or a thrift store provides the missing piece. Buying a costume is perfectly fine, too. The goal is to give children choices that do not depend on spending more to belong.
We also need to resist taking over. If we correct every crooked detail or redo every piece of tape, we quietly tell our children that the finished product matters more than their effort. Let the robot have uneven buttons. Let the superhero invent a name nobody has heard before. There is pride in saying, “I made this.”
Matching costumes can still be a wonderful family tradition. Choose a loose theme that leaves everyone room to create: animals, outer space, favorite foods, or storybook characters. Each person can interpret it differently. You can look like a family without looking like a professionally styled campaign.
For tweens planning group costumes, the most important conversation is about kindness. Ask, “Can someone join without buying something expensive?” and “What happens if another friend wants to come?” Encourage ideas that can expand to include more people, rather than themes with a fixed number of coveted roles.
If your child is left out, acknowledge the hurt before trying to fix the costume. Help them find someone they feel comfortable celebrating with, and remind them they do not need a group’s approval to enjoy the night. If your child is organizing the group, help them understand that friendship matters more than an exact match.
Above all, watch the example we set. Our children hear us compare our decorations with the neighbors’. They notice when we worry more about getting the picture than enjoying the moment. We can admire another family’s creativity without deciding we have to top it next October.
This year, put some supplies on the kitchen table. Invite friends over to make costumes. Take the imperfect picture, laugh at the paint on your hands, and let something simple be enough.
Halloween is about having fun and dressing up. Our children deserve to enjoy it without feeling that they or their parents have to win.
Shirin Yadegar is the founder of http://www.lamommagazine.com