My honest journey of finding the joy of motherhood after 4 children.
By Shirin Yadegar
We are so afraid of failure that we don’t take risks. We are so afraid of not being perfect that we don’t say yes to new opportunities. We are so afraid of rejection that we don’t step out of our comfort zones.
The example we are setting for our children is a false sense of perfection.
Studies show that 1/3 of teens are anxious and have attempted suicide. It’s because they don’t see the joy in the journey of life. If their parents and community are fixated on perfect grades, scores, schools and jobs without an emphasis on the journey and the joy of life then of course they are going to be anxious and unhappy.
What if we are shifted our goals? What if we became conscious of the true meaning of life. Would we then be able to live an authentic life free of guilt and false dreams.
When I sat and asked myself this question, I began to stop decades of old habits. The old habits associated with guilt and regret.
I’m 46 years old, married for 22 years with four daughters ages 20, 18, 13 and 11. When I gave birth to my first daughter Eden, I stopped working and didn’t allow anyone to care for her. I stopped all of my ALONE activities which meant no working out, friend time and me time unless Eden was by my side. I had tremendous guilt about being a negligent mother. I was so extreme that I didn’t even trust my husband to watch our daughter. I justified being a stay at home mom by spending my every waking moment with Eden. Guilt was the culprit of my actions and so I began to catch myself each time I acted out of guilt. It took nearly a decade and giving birth to four children for me to rewire my brain. To catch myself each time I acted out of guilt rather than intention.
I share this because we don’t need to be captive by our old negative thoughts and actions. We have the power to shift. Only when we shift can we model positive behavior for our children. If we truly ask ourselves what we want out of life. If we are honest with ourselves we will shift today. We will catch our hold habits and conquer our negative thoughts. It’s the only way to live a meaningful life filled with true joy. Just remind yourself, why you wanted to be a mother and create a family. Wasn’t it for the joy?
Shirin Yadegar is a mother of 4 girls and creator of http://www.lamommagazine.com